I’ve taken some time for myself this evening, something I’ve really been looking forward to. I came home from work, settled into my dinner, showered and I’ve been colouring in since. It’s a young child’s activity but it really is as equally soothing for a young adult. I’ve not had to actively think about anything for the past half hour yet thoughts, ideas and lyrics have entirely washed over me.
I didn’t finish colouring in. It always serves as a reminder that I just don’t have any patience, something menial cannot hold my interest. I’ve always been the sort that starts something and doesn’t finish it. My colouring in is a mess, I didn’t stay in the lines. It’s almost the same as if I’d been colouring my mind in for the past twenty one years. With faces, worries, memories, notes to myself. Nothing there stays in the lines either, else I’d be a rational and logical thinker. Unfortunately or fortunately, not.
Tonight I’m tired and I feel young. Not eighteen, prime of my life young, but really young. As in just for tonight I won’t worry about anything. Mainly because I’ve coloured in different thoughts. Colour corresponding. Pressure related. I’ve been colouring in a book based on my favourite Disney film. I can spot the patches of crayon where I’ve had a thought I didn’t like, ones where I’ve panicked. The places where I’ve really tried to stay in the lines and just gave up.
It’s not been a creative evening. It’s not been an anything evening. I could blog about other things but I don’t feel inspired tonight. I am enjoying listening to Fightstar though. Colouring in annoyed me in the end. Now I just want to read.
Want to read. Want. What a word. I’m excited to read and that in itself is something to be excited about.
Just bit by bit I’m accepting that paper or life, you colour things your own way. You create the lines that people cross. I think I feel apathetic towards things tonight. What will be, will be. I’m just glad I’m getting back to who I thought I used to be.
I’ve taken some time for myself this evening, something I’ve really been looking forward to. I’ll go to sleep soon because I feel lost without company. Being on my own has entirely washed over me.