Yet another alliterative title while I try to rewrite the script of my life and remove any spontaneity from it. There are no cliches that can possibly guide me. Absence may indeed make the heart grow fonder, but it can also make it impatient, moody and lonely.
My life suddenly got hit with writer budgets, ROI and KPI’s but please do tell me how you put a metric on love. How do you numerically define the way it feels or what it adds to someone’s worth. How on earth do you measure “if he’s worth waiting for”, when you’ve already decided to wait for the next chapter, but there’s now a subtext thrown in?
The measurements I can give you are potential time away and distance from Birmingham. I can give you the difference in time zones too. What I can’t measure is how much it would change a relationship. I can define my own reaction in the cliche of “if you love somebody, set them free”, believe me, I tried. What happens when they push back – other than the gnawing guilt that by being together, you’re clipping an individual’s wings?
I’d like to say let’s see where it goes, but like children causing claustrophobia, I will maintain the same point. I am selfish. I don’t want to be utterly miserable for the sake of someone’s happiness. We can’t all have it all. Here’s my measurement – I’d rather be alone than lonely.